btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
