also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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