is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
