I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
