in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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