the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
