dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
