My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Randomize
