I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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