Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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