I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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