Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
