your thong is hanging out like whoa
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
FUCK WHALES
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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