he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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