My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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