I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
