TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
