im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
