so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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