So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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