evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
