I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
