C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
