Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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