i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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