Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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