Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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