it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
