Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
