And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
