she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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