i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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