i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now