Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was