PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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