we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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