blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
