somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
