apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
