The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize