Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
