Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
