Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You can't just leave with hair like that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
