I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
