i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
