so that wasnt chicken after all
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
