the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
