I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
