get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
