Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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