so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
