She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
