I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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