well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
