just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
