Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
