a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
