Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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