I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize