I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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