Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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