i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sober January is a disaster.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
