so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize